Dear Diary #7 - Tick...tock...tick...tock

Hey all,

It's been a bit since I posted, so here I am with a few inconsequential updates. 

When I posted after my surgeon consult on the 16th I said that it all felt 'holy shit' fast. Well....I'm officially DONE with the waiting now. We can move along anytime. Siiiiiiigh. 7 more days.....

I have two new BFF's in my life, for a short time. Wendy is the lady from the surgeon's office, she is every helpful is getting all my stuff scheduled and keeping me sorted out. Gwen is my 'nurse navigator' that will follow me through my journey. Both are wonderful ladies, and a great source of both comfort and information. 

Today I had my 'pre-op interview' with a nurse from the hospital. Remember the days when we had to go in for these appointments? Huh. Not in 2020. She asked me many of the same questions I have been asked multiple times lately, list of surgeries (lots), medical conditions (none), etc etc. So we are good to go (barring any delays) for surgery next Thursday, Dec 3. If covid cases continue to rise, and hospitalizations continue to rise, there is a possibility of delay, but she said they are opening new beds now and I 'should' be okay. 

On a positive note, I did find out today that I will get to spend the night in hospital. Normally a mastectomy is day surgery, and I'm sure most people would want to get out as soon as they crawl out of the recovery room, but I am thrilled that I get to stay, actually!!! I have had several surgeries in my life, and to be blunt.....they don't go well. I am one of the lucky few that does NOT do anesthetic well. Although it has been a lot of years since I was under a general anesthetic, and I am ever hopeful that drugs have improved, every single surgery (even easy day surgeries) that I have ever had has ended with hours and hours of vomiting (tmi again?). I asked if I'd be able to just get a bed, and I was told no. So, I was pleasantly surprised today to find out I will be admitted. And now that I have succeeded in that request I will NOT vomit, and everything will be lovely, right? lol. Probably. I'm especially glad that Darrin won't have to wait around anxiously for word on when I might be released on Thursday night (they won't let me go as long as I am throwing up). There are NO visitors allowed, so he will just be worried and pacing. This way, he knows I should be over the worst of it, and released Friday mid-day-ish. 

Another thing I get to do, if you ever know anyone going through anything similar, is to have nuclear mapping done prior to surgery. Normally done the day before surgery, mine will actually be done early morning the day of surgery. Basically (I think) it is a radioactive dye that is injected at/near the surgery site, and it will travel to lymph nodes etc. They can then scan activity in lymph nodes checking for tumor cells. I'll let the experts figure out what all it is used for, but more needles, scans, and time. All good! I'm okay with them doing all they need to do! 

I've also been doing more reading on treatment etc. After talking to a few friends after my surgery update post, it seems I may have made it sound that if I chose the mastectomy (over lumpectomy) that I wouldn't require treatment. This is not the case. But I have learned about a new important number. That number is called an Oncotype Score. Once the mass is removed, and all the tests are done they have the ability to do this score also. But, I'm told (by the lovely Gwen) that it is not always done. If during surgery/mapping they discover a bunch of lymph node activity they will remove what is necessary and test them as well. If they find cancer in the lymph nodes it is almost a certainty that there will be chemo, radiation, or both. If this is the case, they don't bother with the onco score. If the mass is considered very small, no lymph node activity, clear margins, and a whole bunch of other terms, they can decide that the chance of the cancer returning is very low and the side effects of treatment are not worth it. If that is the case, they don't bother with the onco score. And if it is anything between these two then the test is completed, and treatment is based on that score. The higher the score, the higher the chance of chemo, radiation, or both. 

Outside of chemo/radiation, I will very likely go on some type of hormone therapy (yet to be determined) because my mass is er+/pr+ (see post #5). There are still more questions about hormone therapy, menopause, etc, but we'll leave those for another day. 

I have a follow up appointment with my surgeon two weeks after surgery, and I'm told he will have pathology results from the mass, and will be able to share those with me. It is the surgeon that sends the referral to Oncology, and we move over to that process. My follow up is the 16th, and with Christmas shortly after, etc I have no idea when I will hear from Oncology. I am practicing patience, daily. Siiiiiigh.

Overall, I still feel positive about the current course of action, the surgery, the mastectomy. I have a healthy fear of any treatment after that. I'd be lying if I said it didn't stress me out some. But those are bridges to cross another day when I have more information, and more decisions to make. All will be well! 

As Jayden tells me regularly, and Darrin is ever hopeful for, maybe they can just cut it off and I can walk away. Seems doubtful in my mind, but I'm happy to let them believe! <3

If you've all got a few extra cheers in there, please keep sending them my way. If you're wishing/praying for anything, a good focus would be on that magic onco score. Think all thoughts of LOW numbers!!  Please :)

Seems I got a bit rambly again. Oops. I hope everyone is safe, and healthy in these crazy times. I'm going to spend the next week focused on making sure Christmas shopping is done, some extra food is made and the house is stocked, so I can hide away for a bit after surgery and lick my wounds (ewww, not literally!!). 

Stay safe friends!

Peace and love

Barb