Dear Diary #11 - Got some news today.....

 Hey everyone,

Can I just say how awesome my #tribe is? Again? Seriously? I can't even put to words how much awesome there is in my world!! 

AWESOME!!

As scheduled, I had my follow up appointment with the surgeon today. And I am 1,0000 times better this afternoon than I was this morning! Maybe 2,000 times better!!

One thing nobody really talked about is how absolutely shitty surgical drains are. I see posts on my cancer support pages on fb, but nobody REALLY talks about how bad they are. The WORST. Seriously. Some people are really lucky and get them removed within a week of surgery. I was not one of those lucky ones. Every day that went by got a little bit worse. As my bff Wendy says, "this is a foreign object in your body, and your body REALLY does not want it in there". Slowly over time everything just got more annoying, and then more painful. Sleep was uncomfortable at best. Moving, stretching, lifting, everything sucked. But......big BUT.....it is gone today!! I only had one drain, people have up to 4 (double mastectomy) and that actually makes my head hurt thinking about it. I have been feeling soooo whiney over the last few days, and I actually hate whiney. I try never to be whiney. My lovely MIL took me to my appointment today and I warned her in advance that if the drain could not come out today I was likely to go into full on meltdown mode. So no more whining! 

I also got pathology results today. Also, as expected, I have information, but not necessarily any answers. I know more about my tumor, but not so much about what comes next. Here is what I know (this is more for me to look back on in the future, than will make much sense to those not immersed in cancer language).

Oh but wait!!! So I am just looking at my pathology report.....guess what I just found!?!?!?! The total mastectomy weighed 591g. I feel cheated!! I hoped to take this into the start of a weight loss program, but barely over a pound seems unworthy to note. Sigh.....

Moving on.....

Mass was 2.8cm x 2.1cm x 1.9cm, so larger than measured on ultrasound.

Grade 2, Stage 2, ER/PR+, HER2- (previously explained in another post)

7 lymph nodes removed, two of these show 'isolated tumor cells'. I think this is important, but don't know the specifics of it without talking to Oncology. The surgeon said these isolated cells don't confirm nodes are considered positive for cancer, or confirm negative for cancer. So not sure how Oncology views these nodes. An interesting side note on lymph nodes? I have a tattoo just under my right boob, or under where my boob used to be lol. The surgeon thanked me for that tattoo, said it made finding one of the lymph nodes easier as it was black! He said sometimes the ink moves through and ends up on nodes. I guess we do learn something new every day, if this is new to you then now you know something new as well! 

My surgeons office will send referral to move me over to Oncology. Wendy tells me to expect a call within 2 to 3 weeks. Surgeon tells me they likely won't want to start any treatment before the 6 to 8 week mark anyway, so speed isn't a factor (or they don't care how long we have to wait, haha). 

So what comes next? Well, your guess is almost as good as mine, but I have been reading lots. I believe that I am likely heading towards some sort of treatment, and by treatment I think likely chemo. Possibly even radiation, I'm really not sure how the two correlate for my particular type of cancer. But, in my head, this is the direction that I am heading. Maybe to be pleasantly surprised later!? One factor is the unknown about the lymph nodes noted above. I believe that if there is lymph node activity (positive cancer might not be the right term?) then treatment is a given. Lymph nodes are vital, as they show the first sign of any potential spread beyond the boob, so they definitely want to zap those little buggers if they have cancer in them! 

I posted early about Oncotype Scores, and I think I am exactly the candidate that this is done on. Not quite 'good' enough to know for sure that I don't need treatment, but not quite 'bad' enough that treatment is guaranteed. I asked the surgeon about Oncotype and he tells me that that is handled by Oncology, and needs to be sent away for testing, if they choose to. So, well, that is yet to be determined I guess. 

When I talk about treatment above, I am referring to chemo or radiation to treat the cancer. In addition to this, I am very likely going to require hormone treatment of some sort, but that all happens later. Honestly, that part of it scares the shit out of me and comes with way more questions. But we'll cover that another day, I have had enough information today to satisfy my curiosity for the moment. 

But, hey! Did you hear that my drain came out today???? Whooooo hooooooo!!!! 

SUCH A GOOD DAY!! 

So much love. So much awesomeness. I want to reach out and thank all of you that sent messages or texts today just to tell me you were thinking of me. I love you all so much!! Keep cheering, friends, we aren't yet out of the woods! 

Peace and love

Barb