Dear Diary #14 - Ice Cream and Chemo

Hi friends!

First and foremost, for all of you following along with my blog you'll know that my daughter promised me ice cream when we went for my surgical consult. Guess what I didn't get??? But I am happy to report that Jayden finally came through with the ice cream today!!! Woot Woot! You're the bestest Jayden (you are still not my favourite, but maybe gaining ground. Don't tell Kate, lol). 

But, the ice cream comes along with an Oncology appointment. I guess it is some sort of consolation? 

Oncology means news though, and the waiting is over. FINALLY. 

We received a couple of surprises today. It's got my head spinning a bit but I am happy to report that we have most of a plan in place and things will move quickly from here. I learned today that my post surgery pathology went through a review on Dec 29. I was unaware that this would/could happen, but it was explained to me that if/when the initial pathology report is done by someone that does not specialize in breasts that it will automatically later be reviewed by someone that does. 

So, surprise #1, my initial pathology showed a tumor size of 2.8cm. (actually at the time of the ultrasound it was only 2.1cm at it's largest dimension) The new pathology put the tumor at more than 5cm. I'm a little disappointed that I didn't remember to ask for a copy of that report, but I'll try to get one from the lovely Gwen.

And surprise #2 was that my tumor grade was increased from grade 2 to grade 3. This one is a bit sucky for sure, but probably doesn't alter the next step at all. If you did not read my earlier posts explaining grade, please feel free to go back and read earlier blogs. The short answer is that grade three tumor cells are faster growing, and very differentiated from normal cells. 

All that being said, as I stated in an earlier blog, I expected chemo and here we are with chemo. I didn't know what type of chemo, although I knew that I would not get AC, which is also known as red devil. This, I believe is reserved for HER2+ patients. Phew, dodged a bullet there! I do now know that my treatment will be DC (Docetaxal and Cyclophosphamide if you are into big words you can't pronounce). Docetaxal is a bit of a kick in the ass, but definitely happy that it is not the red devil. 

To list off a few of the REALLY FUN side effects (because I know you all want to know):

-100% losing my hair, maybe this will be my 47th birthday gift!!! Will be about the right time, sigh.

-Fatigue - good thing I love sleep! 

-Vomiting and nausea, and diarrhea (that sounds like so much fun!), or maybe constipation, depends on the person, lol. 

-Neuropathy - this is damage to nerves in hands and feet. This might not happen, this might happen and be temporary, or this might happen and be permanent. This is prevented (hopefully, but not guaranteed) by sticking your hands and feet into ice for the duration of the IV infusion. I bet you are all jealous of that! 

-Mouth sores. Definitely another thing to be jealous of, haha. 

-Nails. There is a good chance that both my finger nails and toe nails will be affected by this type of chemo. Maybe they turn yellow, maybe they turn black, maybe they fall off all together!

Ah, whatever. I am resigned to two things today (besides the glass of wine sitting beside my keyboard) 1 - #fuckcancer and 2 - I will kick the shit out of this. 

Unfortunately the surprises found at my pathology review probably do earn me a referral to a radiation oncologist. Because I bet you all were hoping that we could do radiation as well! I know I sure wasn't. Sigh. 

I might seem a bit blase about this, and I'm not really. I am just determined to do what needs to be done. I can totally admit to being scared shitless over the drugs that will be involved for my coming future. I seriously rarely even take an advil. I have made an honest effort in my life to reduce chemicals and so much more. I have soooo many adverse/opposite reactions to so many drugs and things. But, I left Oncology today and headed to the pharmacy where I picked up 4 different prescriptions (left one pending) and a bunch of supplements that were suggested. I will soon be able to pimp out prescription drugs from my kitchen, who's in? 

You want to hear about the prescription I left pending, riiight? So there is a VERY EXPENSIVE self injection drug that I get to inject into my stomach the day following each chemo infusion. Good thing I don't mind needles! It is filigrastim/lepegla/neulasta or whatever you want to call it. It is an injection that will help my bone marrow make new white blood cells in time for my next treatment. Guess what pleasure this injection brings........ If you guessed severe bone pain you'd be correct!! Hahahaha. I'll just say FUCK, and leave it there. This was left pending because it is an UBER expensive drug that I need to ensure is covered by my benefits. There is also a coordinator at the Oncology clinic that is overseeing if any shortage from my benefits can be covered by other programs (like $2,000 per injection). I'll deal with that next week, I don't need it until Thursday.

Seriously though, all of this is doable. All will be well. I might turn a little crazy. Chemo will put me into a chemically induced menopause, coming with craziness, hot flashes, etc, so crazy might be the short end of it. Please forgive me if I turn a little crazy. I promise to make an honest effort not to be crazy.

Do you know WHY I can do this? Because I have a #tribe. Because I received numerous messages, texts, calls, over the last 24 hrs to check on me, to say people were thinking of me, to cheer me along. This makes my heart full. This makes my heart happy. YOU ALL are the reason I will do this, well after Darrin and the kids! 

I have tons of life left. Breast Cancer is not a death sentence. Chemo and radiation will be followed by 5 to 10 years of hormone suppression/treatment. And that comes with another set of issues, but I will ALWAYS choose life. I will love those around me (all of you), I will live life to the fullest, and I will write silly shit in this blog for a while. Truly this helps me. It helps me to share. It helps me to be less scared. It helps me to know that I have people in my life that truly have my back! Every second of every day. WE will fight this. WE will win. 

Keep cheering friends. Our fight is just starting.

#tribe #fuckcancer #fightlikeagirl

Peace and love

Barb