Dear Diary

The word of the day in recent days seems to be SURREAL. I've said it many times, out loud and in my head.  Cancer. I have Cancer. That seems so Surreal. Isn't it strange? Our whole world has been upside down for the last 4 months, but has seemed almost entirely normal. Well, as normal as Covid times are these days.  I have Cancer. But I feel healthy (well outside of the current chemo drugs coursing through my body, lol).  I have had surgery to literally remove a body part, but I feel whole.  I am in a fight for my life, but feel mostly normal.  I have Cancer.  I know this. I live this. I am in treatment for this.  I spend time in doctors offices. I spend time in hospitals.  I am poked, prodded, and scanned. I have Cancer. WTF? How and when did this happen? I can't have cancer. What?  I have Cancer. Maybe if I tell myself that enough times I will start to believe it?  I had my first of four chemo infusions Friday (today is day 5, post tre...

Hey friends, The word of the day today is most definitely #TRIBE. I've said it before, and I will say it again, there are no words to describe how amazing my #tribe is. How this journey will be made all the more powerful because of YOU.  From Darrin's support at home, to Jayden being my appointment buddy, to Codey always checking in. To dozens and dozens of people reaching out, family, friends, co-workers, #tribe.  I am truly overwhelmed.  And ever so grateful!  We all get the privilege of choosing those in our life and I have chosen well! A million thank you's for all the cheerleading, positive vibes, and prayers sent my way over the last few months but especially today!  Today had so many potentials. Today was scary. A start of another leg in this journey that had so many unknowns. And it has been a great day, because of all of you, #tribe.  First round of chemo complete, and entirely uneventful.  No setbacks, no reactions, no issues.  I am stil...

 As the title says - today I am frustrated.  What they don't tell you about cancer is you are ALWAYS WAITING.  So at my Oncologist appointment last week I was told I would start treatment Wednesday this week (Jan 20). It wasn't like I was given an option. They didn't say 'would you like Wednesday, or Friday, or any other day?' Or anything like that. I was asked if I did want to start next week, and I said yes. So I was given my standing blood work order and told to get blood work done no later than Monday morning. And that I would get a call with chemo time for Wednesday, and I would get a call from doc on Monday afternoon to go over blood work.  This is kind of a big deal. Like I make plans around this. Plans for work. Plans for getting prescriptions filled, and stuff to have at home. Plans for which days would be the tough days (typically day 3 thru 5 after infusion). It maybe doesn't sound like a big deal, but it FEELS like a big deal.  So here it is Monday. ...

Hi friends! First and foremost, for all of you following along with my blog you'll know that my daughter promised me ice cream when we went for my surgical consult. Guess what I didn't get??? But I am happy to report that Jayden finally came through with the ice cream today!!! Woot Woot! You're the bestest Jayden (you are still not my favourite, but maybe gaining ground. Don't tell Kate, lol).  But, the ice cream comes along with an Oncology appointment. I guess it is some sort of consolation?  Oncology means news though, and the waiting is over. FINALLY.  We received a couple of surprises today. It's got my head spinning a bit but I am happy to report that we have most of a plan in place and things will move quickly from here. I learned today that my post surgery pathology went through a review on Dec 29. I was unaware that this would/could happen, but it was explained to me that if/when the initial pathology report is done by someone that does not specialize in br...

Today's thoughts are about Patience. Who sang it better than Guns n Roses?? One thing they don't tell you about Cancer is it is a waiting game. Always waiting.  I definitely try to practice patience. I have been feeling a lot lately that I am in limbo. There is still so much unknown. And timelines that shift with the unknown.  I 'think' I am headed for chemo. But I don't know for sure.  I will FINALLY get to meet with my oncologist on Wednesday (Jan 13). So many questions...... If I need chemo there are things I want to think about getting/doing. But I don't want to do them until I know.  If I don't need chemo then I can get back to some semblance of normal life. I really miss people. I really wish I was not waiting for Cancer stuff with Covid stuff going on as well. I have friends that don't really believe in Covid, and true or not, it is not something I want to tangle with amongst Cancer treatment.  I struggle with people that don't understand that...